Things I Learned About Foster Parenting While Watching My Friends’ Kids

Things I Learned About Foster Parenting While Watching My Friends’ Kids.

  1. Dora the Explorer is awful. She teaches children nothing, not even Spanish. As far as my future foster kids know, Dora doesn’t come in on our TV. Weird, right?
  2. Blue’s Clues is awful. And soul crushing. I happened to watch the episodes that transitioned from Steve to his brother Joe. I hadn’t realized how dead behind the eyes Steve was until Joe took over for him. Poor Steve. As far as my future foster kids know, Blue’s Clues doesn’t come in on our TV.
  3. Free Willy is about 109 minutes too long. I somehow made it to this ripe old age of mine without having seen Free Willy. One of the little girls I watched must have known this fact and thought it her responsibility to rectify the situation, because I watched that movie about seven times last week. I loved the first three minutes, which is orcas swimming and jumping out of the water. Then the rest of the movie started. I really think the film makers could have done more for the plight of whales in captivity by just showing those first three minutes on repeat 37 times. My future foster kids will think Free Willy is a three-minute movie.
  4. Foster kids should be checked for harmonicas upon arriving at the home. Jesse, the kid in Free Willy, is a foster kid. He also has a harmonica, which he “plays” when he’s feeling sad, or pensive, or lonely (the acting wasn’t too great, so I’m not sure which emotion he was trying to convey). This harmonica was very annoying, and so harmonicas (and recorders, and lutes, and really all other pocket-sized instruments) will not be allowed in my home.
  5. It’s a bad idea to argue about a foster child within earshot of said child. Doing so might even lead him to run away and, along with a wise Native American and the girl from A League of Their Own, kidnap an orca. I feel like that might lead to a home visit from the case worker.
  6. Kids do want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba, even if they initially say they don’t. It really is a soothing balm for the brain after the inanity of Dora and Blue’s Clues.

Yes, all of the things I learned relate to TV or movies. And yes, while the children I was watching were in front of the TV, the American Academy of Pediatrics did release its recommendation that children under 2 years old shouldn’t watch TV.  All I can say in my defense is that clearly no one at the American Academy of Pediatrics has ever watched two children under the age of 27 months by herself.

{ 2 comments }

by Hayley on October 28, 2011 · 2 comments
in Fostering

Go home to your kids, lady

I don’t really get this Occupy Wall Street thing. I mean, I know what they’re upset about, but I don’t know what their goals are. And from the little looking around I’ve done, it appears most people don’t know what their goals are. I just find it interesting that people are continuing to join the movement and that others have now spent weeks sleeping in parks without bathroom facilities. I don’t understand doing that for a movement without clearcut objectives.

And then there’s this lady.

{ 0 comments }

by Hayley on October 27, 2011 · 0 comments
in Wha???

Hershey’s: Continuing to make me sad

Halloween is upon us, which means that if you’re not a total grump you’re going to be passing out candy to your neighborhood’s children. Before you pick up said candy on your Dillon’s run tonight, please read this post.

I think I previously posted about how Hershey’s Company is controlled by jerks who refuse to make strides towards implementing labor rights standards among their cocoa suppliers, meaning they aren’t doing all they can to insure child and/or forced labor isn’t being used to grow their cocoa. They continue to be jerks in this regard. You can sign a petition asking them to stop being jerks here.

And in addition to being jerks for the above reason, they are also jerks because of this.

So do not pass out sad candy to your Trick-or-Treaters this year, and avoid the following candies/brands:

  1. 5th Avenue
  2. Almond Joy
  3. Bliss
  4. Breath Savers/Life Savers
  5. Bubble Yum
  6. Cadbury
  7. Dagoba Organic Chocolates
  8. Good & Plenty
  9. Good & Fruity
  10. Heath Bar
  11. Ice Breakers
  12. Jolly Rancher
  13. Joseph Schmidt Confections
  14. Kit-Kats
  15. Krackel
  16. Mauna Loa Macademia Nuts
  17. Milk Duds
  18. Mounds
  19. Mr. Goodbar
  20. NutRageous
  21. Oh Henry!
  22. PayDay
  23. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Reese’s Pieces, and the other “Reese’s” products
  24. Rolos
  25. Scarffen Berger
  26. Skor
  27. Snack Barz
  28. Take 5 
  29. Symphony
  30. Whatchamacallit
  31. York Peppermint Pattie
  32. Zagnut
  33. ZERO

I know, that is a very long, yummy list. But seriously, they’re jerks.

{ 4 comments }

by Hayley on October 25, 2011 · 4 comments
in Hershey's,Stuff That Matters

Agreed

I want these guys to know that they’re able to be so cavalier because they don’t hear unsolicited opinions on their bodies and alleged sex lives all the time. Because the changes they noticed in the mirror a year or two ago were not interpreted as permission by strangers to offer an opinion on their bodies. Because they don’t put up with the kind of language the list used on the regular, and didn’t have to see it manifested as some kind of official document or rulebook, shared and spread and broadcast for students and teachers and parents to see. I want these guys to know that of course it would be easy for you to get over, because your transition into puberty didn’t include the same kinds of ridiculous beauty expectations, and then unsolicited evaluations of how well you measured up.

The rest of the post, which I wish I had written but was in fact written by a 15 year old, can be found on that 15 year old’s website, Rookie.

{ 1 comment }

by Hayley on October 5, 2011 · 1 comment
in Male Gaze,Tavi

United Way

I recently started to follow some aid/development blogs, kind of by accident. I think it started when I read the blog of Brett Keller, who graduated from the same college as me, when he wrote about a recent scandal at our alma mater. I then subscribed to his blog, and I think that eventually led me to some links to some other aid blogs, which I then subscribed to. And now I read all these aid blogs that talk about good aid and bad aid and the best way to improve the world, and now I have a lot more issues to overthink. Todd’s really thankful.

Through one of these blogs I found a term for something we’re all aware of – “poverty porn.” This term refers to those commercials with children in slums with distended stomachs and flies on their faces asking you to give money so that child won’t die. It can also take the form of articles, blog posts, commercials, etc. Nonprofits use poverty porn to manipulate people into giving them money. The blogger* wrote about how disrespectful poverty porn is to the people the nonprofit is supposedly trying to help. He/she recommended to nonprofits that when they have a picture/article/commercial they want to share with potential donors, they consider whether or not they’d be embarrassed to show the picture/article/commercial to the people they’re wanting to help. If they would be embarrassed to show it to those people, they shouldn’t publicize it.

Since reading the blog post I’ve started noticing more poverty porn than I ever did before (paradigm shift!). And I’ve become a lot less likely to give money to a group I notice resorting to these tactics. It’s kind of a gray area and I’m sure each of us has our own way of defining poverty porn, but I try to consider whether or not I’d be embarrassed if it was me or a family member in the picture. If I would be embarrassed, I think it’s probably gone too far.

A recent, local example of a nonprofit resorting to poverty porn is United Way of the Plains’ current campaign. Have you Wichitans seen the billboards around town? There’s one with an elderly woman in a wheelchair, and the text says something like “She won’t make it without you.” (I may have this quote wrong, but I can’t find an image online to confirm.) There’s another one with a little girl with her hair in her face and a sad expression, with a similarly depressing tagline.

Those are probably models on the billboards and not real people needing assistance from United Way, but I still feel like these ads don’t respect the people United Way wants to help. I wouldn’t like it if my grandma or niece were shown in such a way, and I imagine the people around town who have been recipients of United Way funds don’t like being depicted as having no hope and only the generosity of Wichitans to save them.

So what to do? The United Way supports a lot of really great programs, and I get a jeans day at work if I donate.** So I’m still going to give money this year, as should you, but I’m also going to publish this blog post to voice my displeasure.

* I feel badly about not knowing which blog first introduced me to this term, so I’m sending a big “I apologize” out into the universe, hoping the blogger forgives me for not giving him/her credit.

**Kidding! I mean, I do get a jeans day, but that’s not my only motivation for giving.

{ 7 comments }

by Hayley on October 3, 2011 · 7 comments
in Poverty Porn,United Way

A bummer on a Friday

I’m against the death penalty, but that’s not the only reason why I’m linking to this piece at The Atlantic about a woman talking to her kids about the recent execution of Troy Davis. 

As my sister’s kids have gotten older I’ve started to think more about what we tell kids about the real world, and how we tell them, and when we tell them. It’s been interesting to watch my niece and nephew process sad information, whether it’s about my parents’ cat dying or why foster parents are needed. I think maybe kids can handle more than I give them credit for, and this article is more proof of that.

So if you want to have a debate on the death penalty, I’m up for that. But I’m mainly posting this because I think kids are fascinating and this world can be really horrible, and that stinks for them.

{ 0 comments }

by Hayley on September 30, 2011 · 0 comments
in Death Penalty,On the Interwebs

I’m back, again

So all of a sudden my work computer and my blog started fighting. It was very sad. Especially because their tiff really cut into my lunch hour blogging. And that’s why I’ve been gone the past couple of weeks.
 
But I’m back, and what better way to celebrate my return than by gawking at Russia’s prime minister? Go here to see more pictures like this:

 Like my sister recently said, Putin would be pretty hilarious if he weren’t so creepy.

{ 3 comments }

by Hayley on September 29, 2011 · 3 comments
in On the Interwebs,Vladimir Putin

From the internet

On the internet this week, I enjoyed this blog post (warning: contains curse words) by a mom really upset with JC Penney over that shirt they were selling, which I think they have since stopped selling.

And you should read this post from the same blog, because it’s great.

I also found a new awesome* website that you should all visit. It contains images like this:

 

*Awesome = History-related

{ 0 comments }

by Hayley on September 2, 2011 · 0 comments
in History,On the Interwebs

The best post ever

There’s someone in my life that is prone to exaggeration. She says things like, “If I had to do that I’d jump off this building,” and, “I was starving to death.”

I was thinking about how she talks like this as I was responding to a story of hers with an “Interesting,” and realized that, clearly, I am also prone to exaggeration.

{ 0 comments }

by Hayley on September 1, 2011 · 0 comments
in Random Stuff

Todd’s Essay

When I was little my parents said my sister and I couldn’t watch Beverly Hills 90210 unless we watched it with them so we could have a post-viewing family discussion on the behavior of the characters. This basically resulted in my sister and me not watching Beverly Hills 90210. But I think it was a good idea to make sure that if we were watching a show with characters who made questionable decisions, that we were critically thinking about those actions and whether or not we agreed with them.

Last weekend Todd started watching The League on Netflix. It’s about a group of friends who are all in the same fantasy football league. It has some legitimately funny moments, but the characters also talk a lot about hot women and casual sex. So, thinking back to my parents’ example, I told him that if he wanted to continue to watch that show he needed to write me a one-page essay about the objectification of women, you know, to prove that he wasn’t being wrongly influenced by this TV show.

I received the below essay, double-spaced with 1-inch margins, in the Palatino font, which Todd correctly remembered is a large font that looks similar to Times New Roman.

I believe that men should not objectify women. It is unfair, unnecessary and unhelpful for our society. While it may be possible to hold an opposing view on this topic, I hope that information offered below will help you understand my position.

First of all, one of the primary differences between men and women is biological. Fortunately, the female reproductive system is perfectly designed to complement that of the male reproductive system. Unfortunately, we do not get to choose which role we play in the reproductive cycle, and thusly, making a female feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about the reproductive task she has been given is unfair.

Secondly, though it is true that men and women have differently sized brains, this has no real bearing on the overall difference and intelligence of males and females. The brains of men are roughly 100 grams larger. Many studies have been conducted, and though results and causes vary, it appears that men and women, on average, achieve a similar IQ.

Finally, as discussed in the first point, women play a vital role in the continuation of the human race. If we belittle and demean them, making them simply an object for male consumption and pleasure, we do ourselves a disservice. In the long-run, the effects of such behavior are bound to be disastrous. Obviously, there is little documentation about the future to verify this, but, simply based on common sense, we know this to be true.

In conclusion, I restate that I believe that men should not objectify women because it’s unfair, there’s no proven difference in intelligence and it’s bad for the future of our species.

{ 2 comments }

by Hayley on August 31, 2011 · 2 comments
in TV

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